The Scorpion and the Frog

One day a scorpion arrived at the bank of a river he wanted to cross, but there was no bridge. He asked a frog that was sitting nearby if he would take him across the river on his back. The frog refused and said, "I will not, because you will sting me."

The scorpion replied, "It would be foolish for me to sting you because then we would both drown."

The frog saw the logic in the scorpion's words, and agreed to carry the scorpion across. But, when they were halfway across the river the scorpion stung the frog. The stunned frog asked, "Why did you sting me? Now we will both die!"

The scorpion replied, "Because, I am a scorpion. It is my nature."

RIP Larry 'Bud' Melman

So very funny.

English Newspaper Confirms My Suspicions

According to the Telegraph, heavy metal music has been found to be "a comfort for the bright child." As someone who has listened to metal since the teenage years I've known that most metal offers a wider range of lyrical topics than normal pop music and the perceived notion that it's all about Satan is incorrect. (Of course, some of it is about Satan. Hail Satan!)

Stuart Cadwallader, a psychologist at the University of Warwick, explains:

Participants said they appreciated the complex and sometimes political themes of heavy metal music more than perhaps the average pop song. It has a tendency to worry adults a bit but I think it is just a cathartic thing. It does not indicate problems.

Now, some people will point out that a lot of miscreants and scum listen to metal as well, but I would counter that there's a lot more people listening to pop music that's just as bad. It's all about perception. There's stupid people who like all different kinds of entertainment.

Also, while some kids in the article said that it helped them with stress or to cope with being socially awkward, I can fall asleep by it, so perhaps I'm just a little strange. If you're looking for some good bands speaking about things such as corruption and government check out Countdown to Extinction by Megadeth, ...And Justice for All by Metallica, and Ashes of the Wake by Lamb of God.

Like you have something better to do.

What's Going on with Jenna Jameson?

She looks like Latoya Jackson with AIDS now. Gah.

Carlos Mencia is a Terrible Hack

You may not know, but Carlos Mencia Ned Holness (also referred to as Carlos Menstealia), the edgy Mexican Honduran-German spends more time stealing jokes than writing his own. Partake of the latest example:


Carlos Mencia Stealing Jokes From Cosby - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

It takes pretty big stones to rip off Bill Cosby, that's for sure.

This all came to a head last month when Joe Rogan called out Ned on stage at the Comedy Store. Apparently, George Lopez isn't very fond of Mencia's act stealing either.



Somehow this got Rogan banned from the club. Makes sense, right?

Lamb of God Concert Craziness

Last Thursday saw me in a club watching Gojira, Machine Head, Trivium, and Lamb of God. In what is becoming a trend I had to attend this concert alone, and I knew that it would be completely insane. I also knew the opening band would be relatively calm, so I found a spot where I could lean against a wooden walkway and endured Gojira. Gojira is a metal band from France. While tolerable, they aren't really my cup of tea. The highlight of their set being Randy Blythe of Lamb of God coming out of nowhere to sing on one song.

During the break in sets, I ran into a Lamb of God member while I was coming back from the bathroom. (This happened twice. Both times it was too late before I could say anything. Oh well.)

Machine Head put on a good show, and it was their first time in Indiana, which seems crazy since they've been around for almost 15 years. People were actually chanting for the band and knew the words to the songs. I was surprised that I wasn't the only fan there. Anyway, the situation started getting hairy when Trivium started their set. Things were relatively civil up to this point, but we were over 2 hours into the concert and that is how long it takes for the shirtless, overweight meatheads to start feeling a buzz from all the beer. Needless to say outside of the main mosh pit, a smaller "satellite" pit started right in front of me. Keep in mind that it is so jammed full of people there's no where to go, so you just have to keep your eyes open and push people out of the way when they get near you. (See diagram 1)


Diagram 1. My fun Trivium experience.
After dealing with that for an hour, and knowing that Lamb of God would be even crazier (especially since Trivium sucks ass) I decided to move behind the barrier this time. Problem was I was now standing in the aisle of a main thoroughfare, and people are always walking nonstop. Where are they going? Who the hell knows, but there's a show going on, fuckers! Christ, so annoying. While this protected me from the dumbasses who crashed into man, woman, and floor with reckless abandon, it did not protect me from a few other things. The first being someone almost overturning a trashcan on to my head. I felt the beer start to spill, and at first assumed someone had thrown their cup (which happens a lot) but I moved out of the way and then the trashcan crashed to the ground. While I wasn't drenched, it's never fun to have backwashed beer running down your face and shirt. There's not much you can do but wipe it off and keep watching the show. Next, a fist fight broke out right next to me. I didn't experience any collateral damage, but one of the perpetrators was pushed into a waitress whose tray was smashed into her face. Everyone feigned concern (she wasn't even bleeding) and continued on watching the show.


Diagram 2. Lamb of God

As for Lamb of God, they put on a really good show. Some sound problems at the start (which makes no sense, what was the half hour sound check for?) but then an hour and half straight of metal. "We don't do encores, this isn't a Limp Bizkit show." Hey, you know you've been to a good concert where your shoes are sticking to the floor from dried beer.

Hey, why not one more?

Another reason to visit Eastern Europe: Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia. A delightful little disease where hard growths sprout from lesions on the skin. What causes it? Who knows?

There are some pluses to this situation:

• It does sort of resemble Doomsday from Superman.
• Probably gives really good back scratches.
• Impresses the ladies.
• Uhh...hmm.
  

I found this man, and other than his hands and feet, he looked and seemed in good health. As best as I could gather these growths began when he was 14 years old, and began in the area of his wrists. The skin on his wrists and the back of his hands resembles that of a hedgehog - hundreds of spike like growths. The problem is much more severe on his palms and fingers where the growths resemble very much that of nails infected with a fungus. The growths have that same texture, smell and feel. I cut a number of the largest growths off, most of witch did not bleed. Some of the smaller growths did bleed a small amount and he seemed much more sensitive to the cutting of the smaller growths.

From: Here

Nipple Foot Meet Arm Penis

My apparently new obsession with human oddities continues with arm penis. According to the article, though, this was done artifically:

The doctors had the penis removed and attached to the man’s arm. Using his body tissue it grew to six-and-a-half inches and was sewn back on to his groin. Silicone tubes were inserted into the organ to ensure an erection was possible. Doctors also created a scrotum from the patient’s own skin and placed silicone testicles in it.

There's actually so many jokes going through my head right now, I'm going to just leave it to you to make one up. Enjoy the wonders of ARM PENIS!



From: Mosnews

Strange Things are Afoot

Come one come all and see the amazing foot nipple! Amaze your friends! Not for the faint of heart! Stimulation with every step! A foot fetishist's nightmare fuel dream.



From: Dermatology Online Journal

The Picks

As many know, I'm defending NCAA pool champion.

Click for the full view of victory. No cheating.

300: A Review

There's been a lot of anticipation for the latest Frank Miller (see: Sin City) graphic novel adaptation: 300. While technically the story is based on the...well, it doesn't even matter, because this makes no attempt at being historically accurate and really isn't the point. The story starts with a "Persian" messenger warning the king of SPARRTTAAA, Leonidas, to kneel before the Persian Empire. Obviously, Leonidas, a grumpy kind of guy who tends not to wear armor during battle, isn't in the mood to bargain with the most African looking Persian I've ever seen. (Perhaps he was confused by this) and kicks the messenger down a bottomless pit. (Which is madness!)

Unfortunately for Leon, before he can send his troops to war he must consult a council of elders. They, in turn, consult an oracle. (By oracle I mean hot, naked chick) She writhes around for awhile before breathlessly whispering that war is not an option. Bummer! This leads a completely sad and completely naked Leon to pine the state of the empire before laying the pine to the Queen a few minutes later. (Heavy is the brow that wears the crown, indeed.)

Luckily for SPARRRRTAAA!, the king is quite cunning and is able to circumvent the Oracle's whims and takes his finest 300 troops (get it? get it?) on a nice stroll through the mountains and rough terrain to the sea, where coincidentally, the Persians are going to land! What a lucky break! Along the way, they run into Quasimodo, who fancies himself a Spartan. (Go back home, Frenchie!) Needless to say, he gets kicked out faster than a SPARRRTAAAAN! can chuck a spear at an enemy from 30 paces.

What follows next is a lot of battle scenes set to heavy metal music. It's also very much like a video game in the sense that it seems that there are "boss battles." Level 1 they face a mindless horde. Level 2 they face a giant. Level 3 they face an unnerving amount of estrogen, etc. During these battles we get to meet the Persian king Xerxes. I would say he's about 9 to 12 feet tall, blacker than Wesley Snipes, and about twice as effeminate as RuPaul. Just what you picture in a Persian.

There's sort of a plot in there somewhere, but it's really secondary to slow motion shots of people being beheaded, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. The violence and cinematography is highly stylized and it looks like the comic book jumping right off the page. Much like Sin City, many shots (and most dialogue) are taken straight from the book. It is definitely one of the highlights of the film; however, Robert Rodriguez handles the Sin City material better than Zach Snyder handles 300. This makes sense because Rodriguez is a better director. Oh yeah, and Faramir loses his eye.

All in all, I'd say go see it. I bet it will look awesome in Hi-Def.

So, I made one of these today.

In the old days this unchristian devil device would have gotten you burned at the stake, or at least stretched on the rack. But hey, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. If you are bored and want to be labled a heretic make one today!



Click here to make your own: Dragon Optical Illusion

Kudos to Google

My gmail took a shit yesterday. Instead of seeing very important emails. (DVDs have shipped, etc.) I was greeted with this:

Parse error. unterminated string literal at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 196:
" PF_cache_[PF_prefetchUrl_]);Parse error. missing ) after argument list at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 197:
} catch(e) {Parse error. 'try' without 'catch' or 'finally' at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 217:
TL_UpdateLabelCounts(threadid);

Considering I keep most information for contacts in Gmail, and use it almost exclusively, I figured I was completely boned. However, after submitting a support request which I assumed would be ignored, they had my Gmail working by the end of the business day.

I, for one, welcome my new Google overlords.

The 5 Stages of Diarrhea

So, you've just enjoyed a pleasant lunch and sit back down at your desk. Suddenly, your stomach, like the Trumpets of Jericho, sends out the groan warning that things may be amiss. As you stand up you realize you are experiencing a slight bit of discomfort in the gastrointestinal area.

Unfortunately, almost nothing happens on your first trip to the bathroom, but you know the worst is yet to come.

Stage 1: The Tease


After waiting an extra 10 minutes to verify, you sit back down at your desk. Things are definitely wrong, and before you can say, "Oh shit," you are back in the bathroom. The pain ratcheted up to a whole new level.

Stage 2: Harbinger


The cousin of The Tease, there's not much more to note about Harbinger, except that about 3 minutes after you are done you are going to experience:

Step 3: Let Loose the Dogs of War!
Finally, the full fledge onslaught of Diarrhea. You'll note that it will start to swirl and undulate like a hurricane. Also, another instance of the golden ratio, if you look closely. Finally, paint will probably start peeling off the wall, and most likely an unholy light will shine through them. Don't worry, you've only summoned the Cenobites.

Step 4: Revelation
If you wait even longer the truth will finally be revealed. You are dealing with Ole Scratch Hisself. The devil. For only the Devil could cause something so foul to come from your body. But don't worry, you get the last laugh.

Step 5: Redemption



Simply flush. Repeat as necessary

Anatomy of a Takeover Part 1: The Unannounced All Hands Meeting

It all starts when someone is sitting at their desk or cubicle working surfing the Internet, and receives a fateful email: "All Hands Meeting 11:00." Even though before this point there was no inkling that something is up, a sense of dread will quickly fill the building. More than likely people will start contacting others who are out of the office to let them know something is going down.

Theories will quickly spread. Most people will guess an executive is fired leaving the company for "better opportunities" or to "spend more time with family." However, the CEO wastes no time in letting everyone know that the company has been purchased. Not exactly the best news, but it could be worse.

"Who were we purchased by?" a brave soul in the back thinks to ask.
"Our largest Competitor," the CEO replies. Nothing is quite like the air being sucked out of the room, with most feeling like they were punched in the heart. Visions of standing next to the rubes in the unemployment line, or rubes thinking of now standing in line next to their cousins is on everyone's mind.

"So, when is the purchase complete?" someone else thinks to ask.
"This Friday," is the reply.

Then everyone gets told to go about their normal business. This is pretty much absurd. After announcements like this no one is getting work done. You'd think it would be best to let everyone go for the day (perhaps as a sign of things to come) than to mill about listlessly.

Oh, it should be noted that when your VP of Human Resources is named interim GM and the CEO starts crying, you're probably not going to be keeping your job.

Next: Anatomy of a Takeover Part 2: There's a New Sheriff in Town

So, I'm Applying for One of Those Things Where...People Sit and Do Stuff...After Which They are Given Money.

I figure now is as good of time as any to start possibly looking for some sort of future employment. (DVDs, unfortunately, don't pay for themselves.) Look, I don't like jobs and they don't like me...but it has to be done. Right now the score is even, but I found two prospects and might soon be oh-fer-two. Once I send out my R-E-S-U-M-A-Y-S, I will get a score tab on the right so everyone can track of my future failures. Enjoy!

Worst Uniforms Ever

Click for Larger Image

What you see above are the new uniforms for Ohio State, Syracuse, Florida, and Arizona. All I can say is that I see them lasting somewhere between 1 game and the rest of the season. The top half appears to be like a female Olympic swimsuit, while the bottom may honestly be a skirt. I don't think you can make those shorts any longer and baggier and still call them shorts. The Ohio State one is especially terrible. I'd really like to see all 300 pounds of LSU's "Big Baby" Glen Davis squeeze into one of these. I'm exhausted thinking about it.

"I felt as if I were asphyxiating in an avalanche of sagging flesh."

If someone said the quote above to you, would you want to see the movie being described? (No, it's not Grandma Gangbangers 87. In this case, the movie is Wild Hogs and the unfortunate soul who had to sit through the movie was Michael Sragow of the Baltimore Sun.) I would say no; however, stupid people turned out in droves this week (to the tune of 38 million dollars) in order to laugh at the comedic stylings of Vinnie Barbarino, Tim "The Tool" Taylor, "Black Knight", Ghost Rider, and uhhh...William H. Macy.

Hey look, it's a bunch of washed up (Sorry, William, I'll let this one slide) actors in a movie about a motorcycle craze that died down for most of the country 3 years ago! I wonder who gets in a misunderstanding with a "Hell's Angel" type? I wonder who will accidentally knock down a row of bikes making every one run for their life? I wonder who'll get caught selling drugs and spend time in prison? (Oh, wait, that's Tim Allen.) I wonder which one will forget to pack some Depends and have to borrow a slightly used pair from John Travolta? (That's Xenu juice to you, pal.) I wonder how many American Chopper t-shirts were in the crowd? (Over half, probably.)

Thankfully, there was some counter-programming for the few of us (13.1 million dollars) who aren't easily placated with the loose jowls of Travotla in the form of Zodiac. It took something that could be done in a very boring way (based on the Zodiac serial killer from the late 60's in California), and made it very interesting and suspenseful. It also stuck to the facts reasonably well.

So, if you want to use your brain and see a good movie, see Zodiac.
If you hate your life and your self-loathing knows no limits, see Wild Hogs.

From the News Desk: Donuts are Tasty, but That Tasty?

Fresh, warm Krispy Kreme donuts sure are delicious (assuming you can find a store that's still open), but I'm not sure I find them as good as they do down in Augusta, Georgia.

1 Dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts - 7.99
Lower cal wheat donuts - 3 extra years of life
$500,000 FCC fine - Priceless $500,000



(click for full image)








Credit to: UWeekly

Don't Order Online from AT&T

I have a general disdain for my local cable company. They don't do anything too egregious, I suppose, but the way they nickel and dime customers is annoying. Currently, I have digital cable, HD service, DVR, and Internet through them to the tune of over 120 bucks a month. Recently, someone discovered that one can receive DSL through AT&T for substantially cheaper AND they also offer VoIP phone service for the same price as Vonage. (I use Vonage.) This seemed like a no brainer to me.

Through the entire process (Online and on the phone before talking to a human) AT&T urges people to order their services online to get better deals. I'm sure this is an attempt to keep call volumes low. I noticed that if you lack an AT&T land line, the DSL packages went from the 20 dollar range to the 50 dollar range. I couldn't figure out why anyone would get VoIP service from them as well, because you would still end up paying over 70 dollars for the whole package. (Why would you get a land line when you use VoIP for your phone service, outside of wanting to help out AT&T shareholders?) What's the "CallVantage®" of that, exactly?

After getting in an argument with an automated voice recognition system, it mercifully and soullessly transferred me to a warm body. She was kind enough to inform me that they don't even offer VoIP, because they were still operating on SBC's system.

Confused about how SBC and AT&T are related? Let Stephen Colbert explain:

Deregulation Sucks! | Send To Friends | Animated Cartoons at JibJab

If I would have taken AT&T/SBC/Cingular/Whatever's advice and just ordered online, I would have had to have gone through the hassle of not only disconnecting my previous services, but then sending all of AT&T's shit back AND resigning up for all the old ones. Fuck off, AT&T.

An 8:30 A.M. Meeting? That Seems Like a Bad Idea

It seems I've missed some sort of medical insurance meeting. I probably could have dragged myself in here in time, but I forgot. Oh well, it's not going to be worth going through all the motions to sign up for cheaper COBRA (Where's Cobra Commander?) insurance...since COBRA is insane. It's so much easier going with Blue Cross/Blue Shield. If you need to supply your own insurance find the Blue Cross for your State HERE.

Don't say I've never done anything for you.

I See One of These in my Future

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

The Wheels are Coming Off...Literally.

For the last few weeks I've been dealing with the steering wheel in my car vibrating at annoying levels. It was so bad that my keys would vibrate as well, and I'd have to hold them in order not to go insane and start running people off the road.

Anyway, my first thought is to take them to a local tire place and have them rotated and balanced. Start simple and work my way up, and if there's something more serious going on then they would notice. That's what I told myself. So I get that done, pay my money (36 dollars), and drive off.

Well, wouldn't you fucking know it? My steering wheel is still vibrating. Obviously, the balance and rotation did nothing. (More on this later.) A week later (yesterday) I call my local dealership and have them look at it (Staying vague about the problems so they can fish it out more.) It turns out that I have a bent right front wheel. Hey, and it's only 517 dollars! Wow! A bargain!

Oddly, the service manager words it in a way that suggests that he actually fixed it for free. (I have witnesses, I'm not insane.) So, I hop in my car and off I go. I'm guessing you can see where this sordid tale is going. Nothing had changed, except the exponential rate that my blood pressure was rising...and that twitching in my right eye that suggests I might start going Private Pyle on my respective Gny. Sgt. Hartman car people.

Finally, today, I go back to the dealership for clarification. (Yes, I would need to get a new wheel.) I re-affirm which wheel is the problem (front - right), and try to find a cheaper wheel.

Lo-and-behold, I do find a place that can get a reconditioned wheel for about 200 bucks cheaper, but wants to check it out first. I take it in, and the first thing the manager says is, "Well, we took the right front off, but that one is fine. Are you sure it's that one?" So, after having them check all the tires, we discover it's the front - left wheel. (Not that right, your other right.) After moving that wheel to the back, he throws in another nice tidbit. "Yeah, and your wheels weren't balanced either, so we did that for you." So, now he is searching for a wheel for me.

Let's review.

1. I take car to get a balance and rotation done at a place called Tireville.
2. Rubes at Tireville "finish the job" but don't notice any problems.
3. There is a problem.
4. Not only is there a problem, but they didn't even balance the wheels.
5. Never go to Tireville.
6. ??????
7. Profit

Update: Because I'm sure the two people who read this REALLY care. "New" wheel tomorrow. 300 bucks. Excelsior!

Shirking Responsibilites

About a month ago someone who now works at the oppressing company's main office sent a request of certain customer information. As it turns out, this list ended up being 39MB in Excel, which is not exactly something that can be emailed easily. At first, I just ignored it for a week and then agreed to FTP the file. I never really sought a solution to the ftp issue, and after another week said it would be easier to physically mail the file. Since then, I still haven't gotten around to mailing that file out.

Any bets on whether I can ride this out another 33 days?

Scorsese Finally Wins - A Look at Past Losses

So after 40 years of film-making, one of the greatest directors ever finally was honored as best director for The Departed. Previously, he had been 0 - 5 (Raging Bull, Last Temptation of Christ, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, and The Aviator) An odd footnote to this is that 3 of his losses have come against actors-turned-directors. (Robert Redford, Kevin Costner, Clint Eastwood) I'm not sure that means anything, but it's curious.

Six movies he has directed have been nominated for best picture (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, The Aviator, and The Departed.) Like best director, he had previously been 0 - 5 in this department until The Departed.

Let's take a look at what Scorsese was up against these years for Best Director and see how history has viewed his films and the winners.

I'd like to first point out that somehow he wasn't nominated for Taxi Driver. So, let's take a look at that year first.

Winner:
	Rocky (1976) - John G. Avildsen
Other Nominees:
	All the President's Men (1976) - Alan J. Pakula Ansikte mot ansikte (1976) - Ingmar Bergman Network (1976) - Sidney Lumet Pasqualino Settebellezze (1975) - Lina Wertmüller

While the other nominees are either worthy (All the President's Men, Network) and the other two I can't judge because I haven't seen them, I can state with certainty that the direction in Taxi Driver was superior to Rocky. Rocky also took home best picture that year (where Taxi Driver did get a nomination.)

Now, let's look at the first nomination: Raging Bull.

Winner:
	Ordinary People (1980) - Robert Redford (I)
Other Nominees:
	Elephant Man, The (1980) - David Lynch (I) Raging Bull (1980) - Martin Scorsese Stunt Man, The (1980) - Richard Rush (I) Tess (1979) - Roman Polanski

I have the same thought here that I do for Best Picture in 1980. The Elephant Man and Raging Bull took votes away from each other. Both are classics, and I could accept The Elephant Man here, but Ordinary People? Give me a break.

Next we have The Last Temptation of Christ.

Winner:
	Rain Man (1988) - Barry Levinson (I)
Other Nominees:
	Fish Called Wanda, A (1988) - Charles Crichton Last Temptation of Christ, The (1988) - Martin Scorsese Mississippi Burning (1988) - Alan Parker (I) Working Girl (1988) - Mike Nichols (I)

A controversial movie about Jesus against a movie about someone with a mental issue? He never had a chance. Hollywood loves movies like Rain Man and the actors who play the characters. (This just goes to show how bad Cuba Gooding Jr. was in Radio. You really have to be terrible to not get a sympathy nod.)

Next up we have Goodfellas.

Winner:
	Dances with Wolves (1990) - Kevin Costner
Other Nominees:
	Godfather: Part III, The (1990) - Francis Ford Coppola Goodfellas (1990) - Martin Scorsese Grifters, The (1990) - Stephen Frears Reversal of Fortune (1990) - Barbet Schroeder

Here we have the infernal Dances with Wolves winning. Everyone was in love with Kevin Costner that year, and it ultimately led him to make bloated (even more so than Wolves) movies like the infamous Waterworld and The Postman. Goodfellas pistol whips Dances with Wolves in front of all its friends in the driveway. Also, how did Godfather III get so much love from voters?

Following Goodfellas, the next film nominated was Gangs of New York. Nominated for 10 Academy Awards, it walked away with squadoosh. In terms of directors, this is how the nominees looked:

Winner:
	Pianist, The (2002) - Roman Polanski - Roman Polanski was not present at the awards ceremony, being a fugitive from U.S. justice since fleeing the country in 1978. Presenter Harrison Ford (I) accepted the award on his behalf.
Other Nominees:
	Chicago (2002) - Rob Marshall Gangs of New York (2002) - Martin Scorsese Hable con ella (2002) - Pedro Almodóvar Hours, The (2002) - Stephen Daldry

Can't really argue here, Polanski is a great director. Holocaust movies tend to do well in Hollywood. I think we can all be happy that Chicago didn't win.

Finally, Scorsese's last loss was in 2005 for The Aviator.

Winner:
	Million Dollar Baby (2004) - Clint Eastwood
Other Nominees:
	Aviator, The (2004) - Martin Scorsese Ray (2004/I) - Taylor Hackford Sideways (2004) - Alexander Payne (I) Vera Drake (2004) - Mike Leigh

Million Dollar Baby inexplicably wins here. I'm not sure why. I would say any of the other directors could have taken this one. Also, Hillary Swank with two Oscars? Really? Is she really one of the top actresses ever? I'm pretty sure that anyone who starred in the movie The Core should have any awards taken away. With extreme prejudice if necessary.

Oscar Predictions

Director - Scorsese (I'll probaby be wrong here)
Movie - Letters from Iwo Jima
Actor - Peter O'Toole (In an upset over Whitaker)
Actress - Helen Mirran
Supporting Actor - Arkin
Supporting Actress - Jennifer Hudson
Foreign Film - Pan's Labryinth

A good, old fashioned hockey brawl for the afternoon.

Another goal met!

Nothing hits the spot like a free 2 1/2 hour alcohol included lunch. Now to kill time until the third goal...leaving early.

I Love Meetings.

This puts me into territory I never thought I'd reach. I'm actually posting an update. The day started out having to attend a meeting to go over someone's responsibilities so some other undecided person (read: definitely not me) can take over. Hey, at least we decided where to go for lunch. As such, I prepared like I do for all meetings: by not bringing anything to write on or with.

This isn't really something related to being transitioned out of the company, and speaks more to the realization some time ago that meetings are time murderers. I'm sure someone gets something done at them, but with so many other people taking notes...I just don't feel the need. Plus, on those rare occasions that I am assigned work (In the before time. The long long ago. When, you know, I had work to do. Bonk Bonk on the head...I digress) I just tell the person to email me what they want.

I like to think of it as those waiters and waitresses who wow and amaze the crowd by not writing down a party's food order. The only thing this really hampers is my ability to doodle geometric shapes.

Some real examples from my notebook. Contain your excitement.

Post 1: Where our Hero uses a Cliche Title Convention

So, here I am. Less than 40 days away from another date with unemployment. While technically this is the third time I've been "kindly" asked to leave this building, it will most definitely be the last. The last few times I haven't exactly been given a 6 month notice, but the last few times the company wasn't bought out, either.

So, what does an employee who finds himself with no responsibilities and a dangerously low motivation factor do during week after week of monotony? Well, the first thing is he stops coming in on time. My 8:05ish arrival time turns into a a 9:05ish arrival time. A lunch hour turns into lunch afternoons.

And finally, most time is spent finding someone else with nothing to do (not difficult) and talking about important things. (The upcoming fantasy football season, for example. It's a mere 7 months away!)

What will this blog entail? It will list my arrival and lunch times, things I've accomplished during the day, and overall goals I hope to achieve. I'm still playing with the format, but these may be found on the right somewhere. Finally, "humorous" and "insightful" things that I come across during the day which will probably only amuse me.