So, I made one of these today.

In the old days this unchristian devil device would have gotten you burned at the stake, or at least stretched on the rack. But hey, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. If you are bored and want to be labled a heretic make one today!



Click here to make your own: Dragon Optical Illusion

Kudos to Google

My gmail took a shit yesterday. Instead of seeing very important emails. (DVDs have shipped, etc.) I was greeted with this:

Parse error. unterminated string literal at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 196:
" PF_cache_[PF_prefetchUrl_]);Parse error. missing ) after argument list at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 197:
} catch(e) {Parse error. 'try' without 'catch' or 'finally' at ./cs/caribouroot/java/com/google/caribou/ui/fin/jsdata/prefetch.js line 217:
TL_UpdateLabelCounts(threadid);

Considering I keep most information for contacts in Gmail, and use it almost exclusively, I figured I was completely boned. However, after submitting a support request which I assumed would be ignored, they had my Gmail working by the end of the business day.

I, for one, welcome my new Google overlords.

The 5 Stages of Diarrhea

So, you've just enjoyed a pleasant lunch and sit back down at your desk. Suddenly, your stomach, like the Trumpets of Jericho, sends out the groan warning that things may be amiss. As you stand up you realize you are experiencing a slight bit of discomfort in the gastrointestinal area.

Unfortunately, almost nothing happens on your first trip to the bathroom, but you know the worst is yet to come.

Stage 1: The Tease


After waiting an extra 10 minutes to verify, you sit back down at your desk. Things are definitely wrong, and before you can say, "Oh shit," you are back in the bathroom. The pain ratcheted up to a whole new level.

Stage 2: Harbinger


The cousin of The Tease, there's not much more to note about Harbinger, except that about 3 minutes after you are done you are going to experience:

Step 3: Let Loose the Dogs of War!
Finally, the full fledge onslaught of Diarrhea. You'll note that it will start to swirl and undulate like a hurricane. Also, another instance of the golden ratio, if you look closely. Finally, paint will probably start peeling off the wall, and most likely an unholy light will shine through them. Don't worry, you've only summoned the Cenobites.

Step 4: Revelation
If you wait even longer the truth will finally be revealed. You are dealing with Ole Scratch Hisself. The devil. For only the Devil could cause something so foul to come from your body. But don't worry, you get the last laugh.

Step 5: Redemption



Simply flush. Repeat as necessary

Anatomy of a Takeover Part 1: The Unannounced All Hands Meeting

It all starts when someone is sitting at their desk or cubicle working surfing the Internet, and receives a fateful email: "All Hands Meeting 11:00." Even though before this point there was no inkling that something is up, a sense of dread will quickly fill the building. More than likely people will start contacting others who are out of the office to let them know something is going down.

Theories will quickly spread. Most people will guess an executive is fired leaving the company for "better opportunities" or to "spend more time with family." However, the CEO wastes no time in letting everyone know that the company has been purchased. Not exactly the best news, but it could be worse.

"Who were we purchased by?" a brave soul in the back thinks to ask.
"Our largest Competitor," the CEO replies. Nothing is quite like the air being sucked out of the room, with most feeling like they were punched in the heart. Visions of standing next to the rubes in the unemployment line, or rubes thinking of now standing in line next to their cousins is on everyone's mind.

"So, when is the purchase complete?" someone else thinks to ask.
"This Friday," is the reply.

Then everyone gets told to go about their normal business. This is pretty much absurd. After announcements like this no one is getting work done. You'd think it would be best to let everyone go for the day (perhaps as a sign of things to come) than to mill about listlessly.

Oh, it should be noted that when your VP of Human Resources is named interim GM and the CEO starts crying, you're probably not going to be keeping your job.

Next: Anatomy of a Takeover Part 2: There's a New Sheriff in Town

So, I'm Applying for One of Those Things Where...People Sit and Do Stuff...After Which They are Given Money.

I figure now is as good of time as any to start possibly looking for some sort of future employment. (DVDs, unfortunately, don't pay for themselves.) Look, I don't like jobs and they don't like me...but it has to be done. Right now the score is even, but I found two prospects and might soon be oh-fer-two. Once I send out my R-E-S-U-M-A-Y-S, I will get a score tab on the right so everyone can track of my future failures. Enjoy!

Worst Uniforms Ever

Click for Larger Image

What you see above are the new uniforms for Ohio State, Syracuse, Florida, and Arizona. All I can say is that I see them lasting somewhere between 1 game and the rest of the season. The top half appears to be like a female Olympic swimsuit, while the bottom may honestly be a skirt. I don't think you can make those shorts any longer and baggier and still call them shorts. The Ohio State one is especially terrible. I'd really like to see all 300 pounds of LSU's "Big Baby" Glen Davis squeeze into one of these. I'm exhausted thinking about it.

"I felt as if I were asphyxiating in an avalanche of sagging flesh."

If someone said the quote above to you, would you want to see the movie being described? (No, it's not Grandma Gangbangers 87. In this case, the movie is Wild Hogs and the unfortunate soul who had to sit through the movie was Michael Sragow of the Baltimore Sun.) I would say no; however, stupid people turned out in droves this week (to the tune of 38 million dollars) in order to laugh at the comedic stylings of Vinnie Barbarino, Tim "The Tool" Taylor, "Black Knight", Ghost Rider, and uhhh...William H. Macy.

Hey look, it's a bunch of washed up (Sorry, William, I'll let this one slide) actors in a movie about a motorcycle craze that died down for most of the country 3 years ago! I wonder who gets in a misunderstanding with a "Hell's Angel" type? I wonder who will accidentally knock down a row of bikes making every one run for their life? I wonder who'll get caught selling drugs and spend time in prison? (Oh, wait, that's Tim Allen.) I wonder which one will forget to pack some Depends and have to borrow a slightly used pair from John Travolta? (That's Xenu juice to you, pal.) I wonder how many American Chopper t-shirts were in the crowd? (Over half, probably.)

Thankfully, there was some counter-programming for the few of us (13.1 million dollars) who aren't easily placated with the loose jowls of Travotla in the form of Zodiac. It took something that could be done in a very boring way (based on the Zodiac serial killer from the late 60's in California), and made it very interesting and suspenseful. It also stuck to the facts reasonably well.

So, if you want to use your brain and see a good movie, see Zodiac.
If you hate your life and your self-loathing knows no limits, see Wild Hogs.