The 5 Stages of Diarrhea

So, you've just enjoyed a pleasant lunch and sit back down at your desk. Suddenly, your stomach, like the Trumpets of Jericho, sends out the groan warning that things may be amiss. As you stand up you realize you are experiencing a slight bit of discomfort in the gastrointestinal area.

Unfortunately, almost nothing happens on your first trip to the bathroom, but you know the worst is yet to come.

Stage 1: The Tease


After waiting an extra 10 minutes to verify, you sit back down at your desk. Things are definitely wrong, and before you can say, "Oh shit," you are back in the bathroom. The pain ratcheted up to a whole new level.

Stage 2: Harbinger


The cousin of The Tease, there's not much more to note about Harbinger, except that about 3 minutes after you are done you are going to experience:

Step 3: Let Loose the Dogs of War!
Finally, the full fledge onslaught of Diarrhea. You'll note that it will start to swirl and undulate like a hurricane. Also, another instance of the golden ratio, if you look closely. Finally, paint will probably start peeling off the wall, and most likely an unholy light will shine through them. Don't worry, you've only summoned the Cenobites.

Step 4: Revelation
If you wait even longer the truth will finally be revealed. You are dealing with Ole Scratch Hisself. The devil. For only the Devil could cause something so foul to come from your body. But don't worry, you get the last laugh.

Step 5: Redemption



Simply flush. Repeat as necessary