"I felt as if I were asphyxiating in an avalanche of sagging flesh."

If someone said the quote above to you, would you want to see the movie being described? (No, it's not Grandma Gangbangers 87. In this case, the movie is Wild Hogs and the unfortunate soul who had to sit through the movie was Michael Sragow of the Baltimore Sun.) I would say no; however, stupid people turned out in droves this week (to the tune of 38 million dollars) in order to laugh at the comedic stylings of Vinnie Barbarino, Tim "The Tool" Taylor, "Black Knight", Ghost Rider, and uhhh...William H. Macy.

Hey look, it's a bunch of washed up (Sorry, William, I'll let this one slide) actors in a movie about a motorcycle craze that died down for most of the country 3 years ago! I wonder who gets in a misunderstanding with a "Hell's Angel" type? I wonder who will accidentally knock down a row of bikes making every one run for their life? I wonder who'll get caught selling drugs and spend time in prison? (Oh, wait, that's Tim Allen.) I wonder which one will forget to pack some Depends and have to borrow a slightly used pair from John Travolta? (That's Xenu juice to you, pal.) I wonder how many American Chopper t-shirts were in the crowd? (Over half, probably.)

Thankfully, there was some counter-programming for the few of us (13.1 million dollars) who aren't easily placated with the loose jowls of Travotla in the form of Zodiac. It took something that could be done in a very boring way (based on the Zodiac serial killer from the late 60's in California), and made it very interesting and suspenseful. It also stuck to the facts reasonably well.

So, if you want to use your brain and see a good movie, see Zodiac.
If you hate your life and your self-loathing knows no limits, see Wild Hogs.

The Wheels are Coming Off...Literally.

For the last few weeks I've been dealing with the steering wheel in my car vibrating at annoying levels. It was so bad that my keys would vibrate as well, and I'd have to hold them in order not to go insane and start running people off the road.

Anyway, my first thought is to take them to a local tire place and have them rotated and balanced. Start simple and work my way up, and if there's something more serious going on then they would notice. That's what I told myself. So I get that done, pay my money (36 dollars), and drive off.

Well, wouldn't you fucking know it? My steering wheel is still vibrating. Obviously, the balance and rotation did nothing. (More on this later.) A week later (yesterday) I call my local dealership and have them look at it (Staying vague about the problems so they can fish it out more.) It turns out that I have a bent right front wheel. Hey, and it's only 517 dollars! Wow! A bargain!

Oddly, the service manager words it in a way that suggests that he actually fixed it for free. (I have witnesses, I'm not insane.) So, I hop in my car and off I go. I'm guessing you can see where this sordid tale is going. Nothing had changed, except the exponential rate that my blood pressure was rising...and that twitching in my right eye that suggests I might start going Private Pyle on my respective Gny. Sgt. Hartman car people.

Finally, today, I go back to the dealership for clarification. (Yes, I would need to get a new wheel.) I re-affirm which wheel is the problem (front - right), and try to find a cheaper wheel.

Lo-and-behold, I do find a place that can get a reconditioned wheel for about 200 bucks cheaper, but wants to check it out first. I take it in, and the first thing the manager says is, "Well, we took the right front off, but that one is fine. Are you sure it's that one?" So, after having them check all the tires, we discover it's the front - left wheel. (Not that right, your other right.) After moving that wheel to the back, he throws in another nice tidbit. "Yeah, and your wheels weren't balanced either, so we did that for you." So, now he is searching for a wheel for me.

Let's review.

1. I take car to get a balance and rotation done at a place called Tireville.
2. Rubes at Tireville "finish the job" but don't notice any problems.
3. There is a problem.
4. Not only is there a problem, but they didn't even balance the wheels.
5. Never go to Tireville.
6. ??????
7. Profit

Update: Because I'm sure the two people who read this REALLY care. "New" wheel tomorrow. 300 bucks. Excelsior!